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The Ebb and Flow

“What are ten things you’re grateful for today?”

Four days ago I typed ‘self growth journal prompts’ into the search bar on Pinterest. Today my task was to write down ten things I was grateful for. My first few answers flowed with ease onto my paper. Things like my health, Asher, getting to go home this weekend, etc…but the last few seemed a little more difficult. They required a little more thought and the answer to number 10 caused me to reflect.

“The fact I struggled for so long that I truly know how good it feels to thrive”.

June 1st I loaded a U-haul with the majority of my belongings, and moved to Louisiana. With a lump in my throat, tears streaming down my face, & my best friend following me with my dog…I was ecstatic for the new opportunity.  Prior to this move, I spent  several months doing a lot of reflection & growth.  I was juuust coming out of a season of soul crippling heartache & heart break when my aunt approached me with the idea of this move.

I truly believe everything happens at the absolute perfect time & this was my time. She laid the offer out, and my gut reaction was “thank you, but I just can’t leave my dad”. My initial response was 110% out of fear. Fear of being away from my dad, fear of loneliness, fear of change, and quite frankly, the fear of failure. As most people know, I moved to New Jersey 3 years prior, and that didn’t quite work out. (I sure did learn a lot though!) What would happen if I failed again? Well, I would figure it out like I have all the  countless other times.

I was talking to a good friend of mine when I was still trying to make the decision and the words he said to me have stuck with me. He said “Em, you’re bigger than Arkansas. Obviously I don’t want to see you leave, but you have so much to offer the world & being here is doing nothing but holding you back.” Wow!

Here I am, almost three months later, and I’m excited to say that leaving Arkansas was the absolute best thing I’ve done for myself. Today I’m thankful for the struggle. I’m thankful because now I know how good this feels. The bad relationships taught me not to settle. I’ve {finally} learned that I would rather be alone then pour my heart and soul into someone that doesn’t appreciate me. The financial hardships? They taught me how to save & be frugal with my money.  The health scares taught me to take better care of myself. Dropping out of college gave me the time to reflect & decide what career path I truly wanted to pursue.

I know that life is one big ebb & flow, but I sure am enjoying this phase.

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